Goodbye, My Dear

Dear '13, 

In just a few days, you will be history. For the first few days of the new year, people will be reminded of you every time they write a cheque or sign a document, but they will soon get used to your nemesis.

I however, will never forget you. No, not because you are the namesake for my birthday -- though I will not live to see another '13 in any of my birthdays, but because you have brought into my life what no one else could -- Peace. When I say peace, I certainly do not mean peace and quiet, for that is one thing I am not going to get, as much as I long for it, but peace of being at peace with myself -- unconditionally. 

I am sure you know that inherently I have been a dissatisfied soul, at least for as long as I remember. I have always been unhappy with myself -- about the way I looked and the way I felt. Not only was I ugly, I was a rebel too -- or maybe I was a rebel since I was not good looking. Even during the best phase of my life, when I had a super work life and a beautiful family, I found reasons to be sad. 

With you somehow, something seems to have changed. It's with you I realised that I am an important part of many lives, pivotal in many others'. I no longer feel the urge to do something to prove my credibility or worth. Those who matter to me know what I am worth and those who don't, don't need to. 

For years I had shut the real me in the deepest dungeons of my heart for the fear of being rejected, of being mocked and of losing the people closest to me. You however, gave me the courage to let go and let the real me out. Never mind who thinks what.

After many years, I see myself smiling and I hear myself laughing. After many years, I feel happy, I feel content and I feel complete. Although I am tempted to, but I will refrain from analysing the reason for this change, for analysis kills the moment and no one knows it better than me. I am also tempted to thank you, to be grateful to you for inducing this change, but I no longer want to hold anyone else responsible for how I feel -- good or bad.

Although I would have loved you to stay a little longer, I know you have to go, but you have my word that I will not undo what you did to me. Not intentionally for sure.

Love,
Me.