The original name of this blog was Love, life etc. When I revived it two months ago, I found it a little cheesy, so I changed it. I wanted to give it a more soulful name than New Beginnings, but I was in too much of a rush to share it and had no patience to think. In any case, it was a fresh start for me as a blogger so I settled for this one. It seems to have worked, for, not only the blog but my life also seems to have started afresh - at least so it seems.
Intrinsically, I am a distracted person. I cannot do one thing for too long, I cannot be at one place for too long and I cannot follow a fixed routine. The only exception to this used to be my relationships, I like to be with the same people - forever. The other exception lately has been writing.
The thing about writing is, that you once begin, you can't stop. You constantly are thinking about what to write next. Then, to seek inspiration, clarity or just to rest your fingers - you read, the more you read, the more you think, the more you think, the more you write, phew! That sounds exhausting, well actually, it is very relaxing.
Two months ago, when I wrote my first post after a gap of four years, I had two reasons: One - I was lonely, I had a lot to talk about but no one to talk to. Two - I needed to tell myself that I can still think, beyond home, girls, husband and family. It began with reading a few posts, of an author whose book I had just finished. In a matter of hours I was hooked. The subjects were simple and articulation exceptional. I was inspired - inspired enough to write twenty posts in two months.
I write because it helps me let go, it helps me to talk to myself more clearly. It helps me to connect with the real me - the wanderer, the seeker, the thinker, the independent, the carefree and the wild, the Anubhuti that has been locked inside for years. All these years it has been the practical, the social, the obedient and the compliant Anubhuti that the world has seen, they like her more. I like the real one more.
Writing has also helped me go back to reading, I could never read long, boring books, I still cannot. I have, nonetheless, read close to seven books in two months. Each one has added to my thought process, clarity, articulation and in short - my writing. In fact, one of those even inspired me to go on a solo trip - my first but surely not the last. God bless the writer!
This blog has hardly fifteen readers, all of them close friends and all of them candid in their opinion and feedback. So when one of them suggested to look back at my old posts and see how much I have evolved, I did. There are a few things that I noticed, apart from the evolution.
1. I suck at telling stories, I abandoned two midway.
2. I cannot seem to describe anything.
3. I can talk about longing very convincingly.
4. I cannot use big words and flowery verse. If it is not simple, it is not me.
5. I am not afraid to put my thoughts on paper, well figuratively.
Like all passions, this too comes with its share of troubles. For days, I have skipped lunch because that's the only time Pakhi sleeps and I can write. I have burnt food, kids have gone hungry, the chores have suffered and the sleep compromised, but, I have gained more. I got back the real Anubhuti, her confidence, her thoughts, her happiness and her fulfilment and I have learnt to keep her to myself. The world can have the one they prefer but here the real one rules. That can't be a bad deal!