Sunday, October 20, 2013

Right or Wrong

Ten celebrity home breakers - who dated or married committed men - screamed the headline. I could not help but open the news piece - if I can call it that. It had names of ten successful and famous women, who had been in a relationship with married men. Here, their success did not matter, that they allegedly broke homes did. I wondered if the men were really committed, for, if they were, there wouldn't have been even one broken home.

The woman is made differently from the man, she matures sooner - in body and in mind and usually a man her age does not match up to her emotional maturity; she also instinctively looks for a provider and a protector. She finds all this in an older man, who, by virtue of his age, could be attached or married. As for the men getting attracted to younger women - I'd let a man answer that.

In my experience, if a relationship is strong, no one can seep in. If, however, emotional differences have already damaged the foundation, no one can save it. In such a situation, the third person is either just a catalyst or - more often than not - comes into the picture after the damage has already been done.
But why get drawn to some other person when you already have a partner? Well, I do not have the answer - nobody does; but we all know that it happens. Maybe because despite having a partner one is lonely, maybe because the love is lost or maybe because they are genuinely in love.

Since we live in a civil society and propriety demands us to live by some rules, some such couples chose to move on, some stick around - in whatever way they can and the more daring ones get married or live in. Mostly these relationships are termed illegitimate and immoral but often these relationships are the purest - because the two individuals are in it for no selfish reason but for the fondness of each other, if not love.

In such circumstances, the woman becomes the home breaker - the home could be hers or his. The man, almost always gets away scot- free, he's a man after all - footloose and fancy free - it is the woman's duty to be cautious. The saddest part is that such allegations are almost always made by other women. Men, from what I know, could not care less.

Now, I am not a feminist, neither do I think that a woman needs any privilege only because she is a woman. I have always believed that both men and women are equal, though, they may have to, or chose to, play different roles. In fact, I think at times it is the man who has a disadvantage, he is the one who has to earn the bread and butter no matter what - the woman can still choose to take it easy.

But such a bias against women leaves me bitter and angry; being a woman myself, I know the insecurities a woman faces, the fears she lives with and the hardships she undergoes - all for love, and yet she is the one to be called names. 
While I am the biggest advocate of marriage, I also realise that some marriages don't work. And since its India we are talking about, walking out of it might not be easy. In such a scenario, if two people chose to stay together by means of friendship, love, sex or anything else, who are we to term it as wrong? Maybe they are right, after all.


  1. Nice piece Anubhuti...well written
    you are right, it is the women who are to bear the brunt no matter what. This is the problem with the Indian set-up, much of it could be attirbuted to the Bollywood and the other logs in the film-world.

  2. Thank you Usha, but I feel the bias prevails everywhere, not only in India. It might just be a little more pronounced here though.