She felt suffocated, depressed, angry and helpless. Could she have been in love and feel so miserable? Love -- it makes you smile not cringe, it makes you confident not miserable, it gives you a blush not dark circles.
It seemed like she was back in time, time when she tried hard to be what he wanted her to be, to fit in, to be liked and loved. Yet, it never happened, the more she tried, the farther he went until one day when he went away forever, apparently for "them". She waited, for a word, a phone call, a letter - nothing came.
All her life she wanted him and now when she had him, it made her uncomfortable -- unhappy -- unstable and guilty. Guilty for not waiting for him, for falling in love with someone else, for getting married and now, for being with him.
They say picture speaks a thousand words, and she could see why, all day she looked at his pictures, most of them with his wife, he was happy, content and complete. There was no reason for her to be in his life. She could never be his wife and there's nothing else she'd rather be, for, she had her own life, home and husband. How could she be so reckless as to think of another man?
It is difficult to let go of something that you have wanted all your life and then the universe brings it to you when you least expect it ; when you are happy and comfortable in the life that you chose or the life that chose you. It is even more difficult when you have the temptation to give in to your desires, when no one's watching, when you can have the best of everything. But is there something like best of everything?